What Women Want: Interview with a Goddess
by Jacques Fleury: The Haitianfirefly
Published in Spare Change News, May 10, 2007
“Through my senses/ I see her un-affected gazes/ her intrigue’s absences/ her relationship to relationships slowly and softly bending…” So begins a poem I wrote about the Divine Miss C. (D.M.C.) “A Goddess Intervenes” in my latest book: Sparks in the Dark: A Lighter Shade of Blue due out in June. The world needs a woman like my friend Coleen Houlihan. She is lovable yet unpredictable; values honesty and yet remains a mystery to most men squirming like worms trying to get closer. A poet, novelist, and a model (You can see her in laser hair removal commercials on TV!), she is an artist in every sense of the word. This Human Heart, her latest book of poetry, illustrates how she’s all that and more. I was able to catch-up with this fatal beauty and asked her what she thinks women really want from men.
Spare Change News: There is always tension between the sexes when it comes to how a woman is approached. How doesa woman want to be approached by a man and how does he avoid getting shot down or sneered at in the process?
Coleen Houlihan: Well sorry boys but the truth is, there is no safety net. You have to take your chances. Personally, I like for a man, if he is going to approach me, to do it. Not only does this show he has confidence, it also forces him to lay his cards on the table. I know men fill guy magazines talking abut how much they love for women to approach them, and this is an option, but I prefer to take my lessons from the animal world, so boys, spread your feathers and strut!
SCN: I’ve heard women talk about how they want a sensitive man but often get bored if the man doesn't posses a bad-boy edge. How does this factor in when searching seriously for a potential life partner?
C.H: I believe the key for humanity, is to fess up to its often conflicting, sometimes not-so-nice characteristics. In other words, a three dimensional, well-rounded mind is sexy. Too many neuroses develop when people feel they are only able to express one side of their personality. All sensitive men better know how to be a little naughty and all bad boys need to occasionally hush up and take instruction.
SCN: For a woman, what isthe ideal husband?
C.H: I find that the ‘ideal’ person is a mass of conflicting characteristics: rich but not gluttonous, smart, but not a know it all, handsome but not in love with his own image, easy going, but not a push over, passionate but not a skirt chaser… There is no such thing as an ideal husband- but there is, most likely, someone ideal for each of us. We better just hope we are ideal for them! Ha! Ha!
SCN: For a woman, is "the strong silent type" still desirable? Or has there been a paradigm shift to "the strong silent type with high communication potential" even more desirable?"
C.H: Oh come on now, you of all people should know that women like talkers. But, and this is really, really important, when a woman is talking to a lover about her problems, she just wants to be heard. A lot of men are programmed to ‘fix’ things, so when they hear ‘problem’, they start rattling off the ways to take care of it. In this scenario, a woman is using language to try and evolve to the higher form communication is. It no longer has to do with the problem, but with the words a couple can create together. (Do I hear foreplay, anyone?)
SCN: When it comes to men, what do you consider sexy? What manly qualities induce to the point where you want to climb him like a tree?
C.H: Well for starters, I really do like men I can climb like a tree! I love strength and muscles. Strong thighs and hands, beautiful fingers, nice teeth and eyes- I love eyes! You know, the parts of a man that distinguish him from women, like, uh... But I have been attracted to all sorts of men, so when I describe these ideal characteristics, they are only that. Ultimately sexiness is in the eye of the beholder. The problem with a lot of erotic magazines is that they hold to clichés: big breasts, ultra thin, large, big huge--- hands… what is sexy to me is a person who is confident in themselves. I love men who are boyish and playful. A sense of humor is a must! When Jessica Rabbit was asked why she was with Roger Rabbit, she lowed her eyes and said in a husky breath, “He makes me laugh.” You never know who you can find happiness, understanding or intimacy with. I’ve loved many different people, each in different ways. If more people were busy loving, there would be less war, fewer diseases and more smiling on the T!
SCN: Men have always complained about not knowing what's going on in a woman's seemingly complex psyche. How do you think a woman can make things somewhat less fuzzy thus offering more clarity for a man?
C.H: More clarity… Now why would a woman want to do a thing like that... No seriously, I think women communicate a lot but in different ways to men. I often think of female communication as being very aware that life is a transitory experience- so cut the crap and tell me how you really feel. Naturally this scares the crap out of most men. I myself am great at posing the question but squirm like a worm when the question is turned back to me. But verbal communication is only one small drop in the female well. There is a lot to be said for the non-verbal ways to communicate, or not say as the case may be…
SCN: Are you single and looking or coupled and cooking?
C.H: I’m always cooking, even when I’m alone…